Category: Joke Board
Six Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people (women) who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One
day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked
him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made
me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So, Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean,,,,, so think before you
speak!
These are great, thanks.
Hey BillyBob, where's that....you promised me last night?
...and "LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So, Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean,,,,, so think before you
speak!,"
....BECAUSE in DETROIT/Michigan/USA.... WE THE PEOPLE all wait for our DECREEDED Cuddle ALERTS!!! Smile... Go Go Go Go GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Detroit.*Ssong heard playing in BackGround IF you listen intently... RESCUE Me!! Go Ruthie Go Ruthie Go Ruthie...Cuddle-Time *heheand a haha Bless You Team er a Boys n- Girls. <<grins>>
rofl, becky. We'll have to wait for a reply from Bob.
Gemini that was good. Thanks.
Oh yes, blustering Beck: I fulfilled my promise last night. Do the math. Two inches four times is eight inches. Some folks are never satisfied.
Bob
Hahahahahaha! Bob and Becky, the two of you always make me laugh with your posts!
Yeah, but I slept through the first three times.
Oo, ouch! that's gotta hurt! Hehehehe!
OH, that was snoring? I thought the guy next door was cutting the grass.
I win, I only slept through two times.
Bob
Okay, you win. I can't come up with another insult for this one. If you slept through two times and I slept through three, I guess we couldn't have had much fun. LOL
Do the math, you slept through two, I slept through three, that's five times. Damned, I never made that when I was a teenager.
What you doing tonight sweetie?
Bob *leer!
Great one!
Troy
AfterMath... coming on sweet Country sounds
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QUESTION:Country..Who was Country when Country wasn't Cool...??
ANSWER: Barbara Mandrall ~~ Newest CD out.. Go Barbara Go Barbara Go Barbara Go!!!!!!! smile
http://www.aftermathmusic.com/index2.html
Grace, other than proving that people do indeed write more than LOL after jokes (see? Told ya so Dan and Kev), you are as usual rambling irrelevantly.
You must certainly ADORE my Ramblings or else thou wouldest have me on IGNORE!!!
Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban!
You must certainly ADORE my Ramblings or else thou wouldest have me on IGNORE!!!
Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban!
You must certainly ADORE my Ramblings or else thou wouldest have me on IGNORE!!!
Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban!
You must certainly ADORE my Ramblings or else thou wouldest have me on IGNORE!!!
Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban! Feckuyu Ban!
Ooo -ooOO FECKUYU BAN'n'n'n'
Connie ~ Grace
Feckuyu Ban!
Well, ignoring you is tempting, but at least in this particular case, you've helped prove my point and you're helping to keep a good joke by Gemini near the top of the boards.
I need to apologize to Leanne for hijacking her very good and funny post. Bob and I, and now Grace and I have taken it over, but I hope people are still reading the original and getting a good laugh.
LOL Becky. No need to apologize. I enjoy reding the other posts, especially those made by you and Bob. You two crack me up!